I’m a follower of Jesus, and sometimes I am asked what church I attend. Usually, this question is asked by another follower of Jesus who has not been able to find a church to attend themselves.
Unfortunately, I have to tell them I don’t have a church I can recommend, as I do not attend a traditional church myself. I wish this was not true, but as somebody who worked in churches for a decade, seeing behind the scenes not only in my own churches but also in others by attending church conferences, I am all too aware that the main focus of most American churches at this point is money attendance, buildings and politics. That combo doesn’t describe the ministry of Jesus. It describes Walmart. American churches are MUCH more similar to Walmart than the ministry of Jesus, and I absolutely cannot recommend to somebody else to attend an organization which doesn’t invite them to something healthy. By and large, the American church has far too much America in it and not nearly enough church.
I fear that the American church is sliding toward a level of nationalism seen by Dietrich Bonhoeffer in 1940s Germany. I hope I am wrong, but the possibility is very real. Moreso even than when Dr. King warned that the church should never be an extension of the state in the 1950s and 60s in America. This simply adds more reason for me to avoid recommending church attendance to others as I myself am avoiding connecting with organized religion.
Some people who have also felt his tension have opted to simply write church off altogether. The common term for this is “spiritual, but not religious”. I am reluctant to permanently live with this disposition, as that approach leads to higher levels of depression than among those who are actively part of a faith community. This doesn’t greatly surprise me, as there are a number of scriptures which extol gathering in community, and there is empirical data to demonstrate that life in community has many enriching benefits. Generally speaking, when God commands something, I figure it’s usually for a good reason which also benefits us in the long run.
However, at some point, there’s a crossover where the negative impact of toxic community outweighs any benefits which may have otherwise been had: see the Branch Davidians in Waco, Jim Jones in Guyana, and the nationalized church in Nazi Germany.
In a couple of churches where I worked and watched them cross over into unhealthy communities from toxic leaders, I frequently heard shame used to convince people that they had to keep attending the church. One of my least favorite lazy-preacher moves is to tell a congregation that the church is the bride of Christ, and you better not speak ill of Jesus’ wife. Well, if someone’s spouse is a money stealing, politics spouting bigot, you better believe I’m going to avoid them. The position that “you have to stay here no matter how toxic we are” is a mindset used to control people in the dark ages. So when I hear such garbage, my reaction is “No thanks” because I’ve got strong critical thinking skills that I’m not going to check at the door to the church.
So…what does a follower of Jesus who wants to have healthy community do in 2024 America?
I will tell you what I’m doing. Whether it’s the right answer, I don’t know. I’m just trying to make the healthiest choice possible, though it feels like trying to eat healthy at buffet filled with fried, fatty foods and desserts.
I’ve started meeting once a week with another friend who is also a follower of Jesus. We grab dinner and for a couple hours, we share what’s happening in our lives. We encourage one another, we challenge one another and we pray for one another.
There’s no church building. There’s no musical instruments. We don’t take an offering. I guess you could say we have communion, though it’s usually provided by chick fila, where we often meet.
Now, perhaps you hear this and you say, “That’s not church, that’s just friends.” I’d encourage you to read the Gospels and see how Jesus spent a huge part of his ministry with a group of of followers having meals and conversations.
My friend and I are open to letting others join us, but he recently invited 3 others to join us on our journey of spiritual growth and each said no. It kind of reminds me of a story Jesus told where a man invites guests to a banquet and they each make excuses for why they can’t attend.
My friend and I are often confused by the fact many people don’t seem to take their spiritual journey as seriously as their professional or personal journey. Again this seems to run counter to what Jesus insists on from his followers.
But I guess sticking a quick church service attendance into your schedule is easier than being part of true community. True community is demanding. It may at times be overriding or even intrusive to your plans. But that idea of being part of community because of what it can do for you without being willing to give of yourself is not the community Jesus of scripture prescribes. That’s narcissism. That’s Americanism, not what church is supposed to be. When you try to marry them together, the easy one will win, not the healthy one. And that’s why what we have today is so dysfunctional, toxic and harmful.
So for the time being, I will continue to hold “church” with my friend over a weekly meal. We will keep our eyes open for anyone who wants to join us, but we have no stated goal for growing our group. That’s what American church does. Biblical church is open to “The Lord adding to our number”.
To be clear, I don’t think this is the best possible scenario, but it may be the best of a bad situation.
For me, it’s the healthiest version of church I’ve experienced in quite some time. There’s no politics, there’s no power dynamics, there’s no marketing and advertising. There’s just earnest and honest community between people who genuinely value one another and prove it with action.
THAT’S the goal. If you find it at a formal organizational church, great! I couldn’t be happier for you. But I couldn’t. Having it, though, is life giving. and my encouragement is to find someplace where you have community that helps you on your spiritual growth journey. Someplace that both encourages you and challenges you.
I hope you’re able to find this. I am so grateful that I finally did after years of painful experiences in what I sometimes call The American Church Industrial Complex.
Failing to grow a garden on concrete doesn’t mean you’re a bad gardener. You may just be looking for results in the wrong places. Plant where the seeds can grow.
I believe there’s healthy community to be found in this life, just don’t believe those who say it only exists in their organization or building. Don’t give up. Don’t be too discouraged. You can BE the church and have community with other believers where you are. You'll just have to be willing to lift in the work yourself instead of outsourcing it to others who have titles in a religious organization.
Honestly, that's kind of the point of Jesus ministry. He didn't come to make life easier. He came to give us the opportunity to have a fuller life. I hope each one of us can find those blessings.